Secrets of the Wild
by Farscape Maniac
Summary: [A/U] Five years after DWTB, Aeryn is captured by Peacekeepers on her first mission as a Retrieval Squad member, an assassin. She meets new and old faces but will she fail the mission? Will her past on Moya change her judgment? (J/A).
1. The hunter

TITLE: Secrets of the Wild.  
  
AUTHOR: Farscape Maniac  
  
SUMMARY: [A/U] Five years after DWTB, Aeryn is captured by Peacekeepers on her first mission as a Retrieval Squad member, an assassin. She meets new and old faces but will she fail the mission? Will her past on Moya change her judgment? (J/A).  
  
SPOILERS: Mild ones for DWTB  
  
RATING: PG  
  
DISCLAIMER: I do not own the frelling-tastic characters of 'Farscape'. I merely make them go insane (no not really) then hand them back. No harm done .  
  
AUTHORS NOTE: I had posted this way back before but I never got it beta-ed. This is the published version. Thanks to Sassy.  
  
~*~  
  
STANZAS  
  
Often rebuked, yet always back returning  
  
To those first feelings that were born with me,  
  
And leaving busy chase of wealth and learning  
  
For idles dreams of things that cannot be  
  
What have those lonely mountains worth revealing?  
  
More glory and more grief than I can tell:  
  
The earth that wakes one human heart to feeling  
  
Can center both the worlds of Heaven and Hell  
  
- Charlotte Bronte (1816-1855)  
  
~*~  
  
The walls are black, sleek and evil. It has been long but not long enough since I have boarded a Command Carrier. Command Carriers are all the same, solid, unwavering and dangerous however this one feels different. Something I can't quite pinpoint. What is it that makes it different form all the others? I don't know.  
  
For four cycles they have trained my to be the perfect assassin. Throughout the four years I had wanted my first mission and they gave it to me. I was to destroy a weapon of destruction and eliminate its source. I was to pretend to fit in, and send all movements back.  
  
So why am I here being taken by Peacekeepers? Peacekeepers, a word that feels like dirt in my mouth. Why have I been caught? Is my training failing me? But most importantly why was there no back up?  
  
The many times I had come back on a Command carrier leave not so happy memories. I was chained up and was to await my death for being 'irreversibly contaminated'. At that time Crichton saved us. I was to be left for the dead but he refused to see it that way. Another time it was my turn to save him. To escape from Scorpius and the last time was when we agreed to help Crichton to trick Scorpius, it was the last time.  
  
Why do I think of him? Why does he have to be in every memory of mine? He is haunting me but I'm no scared, if anything I'm happy. But the real thing would make it even better¡  
  
I have no escape route. I'm alone, unarmed on a ship where they all despise me because I *was* one of them, I have become 'more'. Or have I? Jool had said I was going backwards, it was and is the only way I know how. I did it because it was it was a familiar path. No surprises.  
  
I walk through the Command Carrier all I know is that they are taking me to see their captain. My fate unknown. Fate, stupid human hopes. There is no fate; I don't believe there is.  
  
Command Carriers always remind me of Peacekeeper life. The memory then leads to the cycles I had on Moya where the nightmares and dreams begin. I know now that I regret a lot of things, things that could have been easily avoided yet I was too stubborn. Maybe some things are meant to be that way.  
  
They stop at a door and I stop with them. One of the two Peacekeepers goes in. He shuts the door behind him. I hear exchanges through the door for a few microts. The Peacekeeper comes back out and mentions the other one to take me in. I oblige.  
  
I walk into the room with confidence and pride. I am not afraid of what they will do. The room looks the same as any other but I feel uncomfortable in it. The two Peacekeepers have left leaving me standing on my own in handcuffs, in front of the desk. On the desk is a hologram; I recognize it as my Peacekeeper file. They still kept it? I thought they bury it all of them and even then it would take quite sometime to track down. The Captain sat behind the desk in the chair, back towards me.  
  
A woman dressed in red stood by the table. She looks Sebacean but I learnt that looks can be deceiving. She studies me but says nothing. She wears no uniform, a slave? No, she wears no collar. So what is she? Surely Peacekeepers would not accept her, however she does wear a weapon.  
  
I realize it has been microts since I have walked into the room. It is silent, but I refuse to be the one to talk first.  
  
"The Radiant Aeryn Sun."  
  
The voice sends chills down my spine. The name so familiar and only used by *that* person.  
  
The Captain turns in his chair. His eyes are blue. They are cold, unwelcoming and unemotional. Three features which never use to exist. He doesn't look at me at the start but looks at my record. He turns it off and leans back into the chair.  
  
If it were any other Peacekeeper Captain I would not be scared but this surprises me. Something that has not happened to me in cycles.  
  
I was to hunt and retrieve the prey but under his glaze I feel like the prey.  
  
Under the glaze of Peacekeeper Captain John Crichton. 


	2. The predator

_____________________  
  
Secrets of the Wild  
  
Part 2: The predator  
  
_____________________  
  
  
  
  
  
They said they caught an assassin, which made my breath skip. But that wasn't what made my heart jump. The ex-Peacekeeper assassin was no doubt Aeryn. She knows nothing about what I have become so the surprise look on her face means nothing to me.  
  
  
  
I found her Peacekeeper file, not because I wanted to read it. I don't really know why I wanted it in the first place. I guess it is because I feel I lead her life, her past life. Sikozu refused to leave my side while I see the 'prisoner'. She knows nothing of my past; she does not care about my past. All she cares about is my future. My future . What is *my* future?  
  
  
  
I feel nothing. For four cycles I have made myself into a zombie. If I didn't feel for anything then nothing can ever betray me, that's my new motto. I am Peacekeeper Captain John Crichton. I say it with no pride, no hatred but with honesty. I was given no choice, either die or live. Both meant that I would lead a different life, I would have to change. Becoming a Peacekeeper is death, a dead end. So why did I take that choice? Because I still loved Aeryn at the time and it meant a chance to find her. But after four cycles I have given up. I have dismissed all thoughts of her. Aeryn is the past, *my* yesterday. It is better to feel nothing. It is better to believe nothing. It is better not to love, hate or despise anyone.  
  
  
  
So I look at Aeryn like she means nothing to me, which is not entirely true. Her hair is longer but she keeps it in the usual braid. She wears the Retrieval uniform, black and grey. So much like the Peacekeeper uniform that sometimes it is hard to distinguish between the two. The Radiant Aeryn Sun stands before me as a prisoner. For three long cycles I have been a slave to her. I have followed her around like a lost puppy but she refused to acknowledge anything. And even when she did it was not me . yet it was. I should have died not him. I cannot just strip off the mask that I have put up for so many cycles. I have a job, a goal but will I archive it with her by my side? Not as an ally but as an enemy? I will show her that I can keep in control, that my world no longer revolves around her. My world is nothing. It is dark and cold. The 'sun' does not rise.  
  
  
  
"Officer Sun, what brings you here?" I lean back in the chair.  
  
She looks at me still in surprise. It does not show on her face but her eyes, they hold something else. I know she will refuse to talk. I open my mouth to speak again but a thought occurs to me. I turn to Sikozu.  
  
"Thank you Lieutenant." She looks at me but does not argue.  
  
It is better to pretend. That's how we are: business, no emotions, unattached. I can tell that I will have to explain later. For now she leaves, glancing at Aeryn on her way out. The past and the possible future. So who holds my present? My life has never been in my hands.  
  
I continue to sit and look at Aeryn after Sikozu left. She stands doing the same thing. Who will win the staring contest?  
  
"So the human has learnt the meaning of silence," she said. Her voice is the way I remembered it. Husky, controlled, plain and simply Aeryn. I smile slightly at her. I win that contest.  
  
"Crichton, a Peacekeeper?" I can hear the disbelief on her voice.  
  
"Why so informal Officer Sun? I am the Captain on board." I show no weakness. A Peacekeeper line.  
  
"What are you doing here Crichton?" She emphasis the name, 'Crichton'.  
  
"Where would I be? I am no longer who I was. Does my profession offend you?" I grin.  
  
"No, your 'profession' does not offend me. I never thought you would become one of *them*. But how?"  
  
"Scorpius," I say. The name is still cold to me.  
  
Scorpius did this to me . it is partially the truth. I see her eyes flicker at the name. She wants to know more but whatever she asks I will refuse to answer, for now. Some things in my life are best left untold.  
  
"So Officer Sun, what are you doing here?" I ask again leaning forward, resting my elbows on the table.  
  
"I was brought here by your Peacekeepers," she spits the words out.  
  
I know enough about the assassins to know that the avoid anything that involves their 'missions'. Aeryn is doing exactly that, always following procedures.  
  
"Cut the crap, I know you were on a mission. That's what assassins do right? Who were you tracking down this time?"  
  
"A person." She answers bluntly.  
  
I close my eyes and laugh, something I haven't done in quite a while. "Wrong answer Officer."  
  
She looks at me. "Why are you so cold?"  
  
The grin is no longer on my face. I call the guards back in. Before they take her away I answer her question.  
  
"Because of you."  
  
  
  
Two arns later I walk into my quarters. Sikozu sleeps soundly on the bed. I shrug off my coat and throw it into the corner. Sitting on the edge of the bed with my back to her sleeping form, I take the pulse rifle off my thigh. It isn't Wionna. I gave her up a long time ago, no use hanging onto the past. This one was a newer model, even deadlier.  
  
"John?"  
  
I undress and climb under the covers. She rests her head on my chest and I wrap an arm around her waist.  
  
"Who was she?"  
  
"She was my past."  
  
She moves closer. There is silence for a few microts.  
  
"Where you ."  
  
"No, I was never her lover." I look down at her. She seems satisfied with the answer and drifts off again.  
  
  
  
We don't love each other. She is my comfort when I am lonely; I am her comfort when she is lonely. My pleasure, my play but not my heart I sleep with a woman beside me, not Aeryn, but someone else. Someone who will not confuse love from war, heartbreak to heart ache. Not a want but a 'need'.  
  
  
  
I wake up suddenly. No one is beside me, it is early but Sikozu has left my quarters. It is an unspoken routine. A mask on who and what we really are. To them she is a Kitsha, my recreational partner. However something else made me wake up. I put on my usual uniform, grab my pulse rifle and walk out. I don't know where I'm heading. It's like my legs have a life of their own. My mind is a daze. I turn and head to Sikozu's quarters though. I palm the door. She's in the shower.  
  
"Sikozu?"  
  
"John," she hears the worry in my voice. "What is it?"  
  
She walks out of the shower, dries herself quickly and puts on her red outfit.  
  
"I don't know but something isn't right." She nods. She has learned to trust my instincts.  
  
  
  
Together we walk out. We go through the corridors then stop at a door. My mind clears up. I hold my pulse rifle in my right hand. I don't feel the pain of it digging into my hand from the tight hold. Something is not right. The scream confirms it. I burst through the door. Sikozu right behind me, a trusted partner. I only stop for a third of a microt to 'admire' the hideous Aurora Chair. An old enemy who has cost me much. I was in that chair and I prayed that no one would ever go through the same hell. But Aeryn now sits in the chair. The memories being ripped out of her head.  
  
"Turn it off," I say calmly.  
  
They refuse. Aeryn screams again.  
  
"I said," I raise my pulse rifle to the controllers head. "Turn it off," through clenched teeth. They turn it off. Five of them, drunk, torturing another being. Young Peacekeepers who want their fun.  
  
"Report to my Command in the morning. Now get out of my sight." They scoot off like rats.  
  
I will deal with them later. I walk to Aeryn who is in throbbing pain from the chair. I look at the image on the screen. The image of a nightmare, a wormhole.  
  
"Sikozu, get the med tech."  
  
She hesitates then walks out. I unstrap Aeryn from the chair. Her body limp and lifeless.  
  
"Aeryn? Aeryn, can you hear me?"  
  
She looks up at me and smiles. Before she falls unconscious she says one last sentence.  
  
"Why be so informal Captain Crichton? I am merely a prisoner."  
  
I smile sadly. 


	3. The prey

~*~ Means a change of POW  
  
  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thanks to all that reviewed, and wanted me to finish this. This will actually be my last Farscape Fan Fiction so I hope you guys have loved it as much as I loved writing it. There will be quite a lot of angry shippers after this but oh well, enjoy and thank you once again. :)  
  
  
  
___________________  
  
  
  
Secrets of the Wild  
  
Part 3:The prey  
  
___________________  
  
  
  
  
  
I wake up in the med tech area. My head feels like it is on fire, my body feels like it has been through a training course over and over again. I open my eyes and quickly close them again. The light makes my head hurt even more. I try again, this time slowly, adjusting to the light.  
  
The med tech moves beside me and sticks a needle in my arm. I try to call out but my mouth is dry, I try to yank my arm away but I find myself chained onto the bed, still the prisoner. Was it all a dream because John - no - *Crichton* is nowhere to be seen. Is it false hope? I hope not.  
  
~*~  
  
The five Peacekeepers are on probation. That's all I can do. I have to be careful. If it leaks to High Command they will look into me. I have things they don't want to know about. Tracks I have been covering for cycles. Careful, hiding, my life.  
  
Sikozu walks into the room.  
  
"John?"  
  
"Yeah?" I look up at her.  
  
She locks the door behind her and sits on my desk. "Careful."  
  
It is so soft that I can hardly hear it. "I know. If they find out ." I let the sentence hang. "I know."  
  
She nods her head. "She's awake."  
  
I see the hope and the scared look in her eyes.  
  
"I'll see her when I take care of one more thing."  
  
She looks at me with cautious eyes.  
  
"I'll be careful, I promise."  
  
I get up and grab my coat. I reach the door and look back.  
  
"Are you coming?" I ask her. She still sits on the desk.  
  
"Always." I grin. True, so true.  
  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
  
I wake up the second time. The headache is gone but I feel like dren. I move my arm and hear the clinker of metal. Still locked up. I look around and see that there is no in the room besides me. All alone. or so I thought.  
  
He stands by the door, leaning heavily on the doorframe. He doesn't look at me but stares off into the far wall. Thinking. Always the thinker. Should I call out to him? Was the care in his eyes when he pulled me out of the chair a cover-up? Was it all a mistake? Why do I care so much?  
  
The woman in red appears at the door. John turns around and walks out, her by his side. I hear mumblings of their conversation. I can only make out the last sentence.  
  
"Be careful John." She called him John.  
  
"I know, I will."  
  
  
  
He reappears from round the corner and looks straight at me. He doesn't waver his gaze; his eyes filled with unreadable emotions or was there nothing in them anymore? He stops and leans by the door again.  
  
"How are you feeling?" It is plain and simple.  
  
"I feel fine."  
  
Which is the complete opposite but you never show your weakness to an enemy. An enemy, is he really an enemy now?  
  
He lets out a long sigh. A sigh of distress.  
  
"What are you doing here?"  
  
"To find, to kill, to destroy."  
  
"Destroy what?!" I can hear the frustration in his voice. The only clear emotion I have seen out of him.  
  
"A weapon of destruction," I quote.  
  
"Wormholes," he says quietly.  
  
He knew? He knew all along that I had come to destroy wormholes? I had misjudged him once again. Always smarter than I give him credit for.  
  
"You were sent to kill me." The sentence stuns me.  
  
"No," I shake my head. "I had no idea you were here. I was to destroy what data they had managed to find. I was to pretend to be a Peacekeeper again but the detection systems have advanced quite well, too well."  
  
"We aim to please," he says.  
  
  
  
I find it strange that he still stands by the door when there is a chair right beside the bed. Maybe that was why, because it was beside me.  
  
  
  
"How long were you in the Aurora Chair for?"  
  
I close my eyes and swallow the lump that has formed in my throat.  
  
"At least a quarter of an arn, not more than half an arn."  
  
He nods in relief. The memory still haunts him. He looks down at his hands.  
  
"I burnt the place down. The last thing I have erased from my life." He laughs lightly. "I should have done it three cycles ago, the day they set it up but I made excuses for it. Excuses so that I wouldn't have to see it again."  
  
He continues to look at his hands.  
  
"What happened to you John?"  
  
~*~  
  
What has happened to me? I belong nowhere, I am no one, and I have nothing. I look at her lying on the bed, still a prisoner. I can tell it is my turn to answer the questions.  
  
"Too many things happened to me."  
  
I see the confused look on her face.  
  
"Four cycles ago Scorpius made me a deal, live or die. Live meant becoming a Peacekeeper, a downside. Live meant having a chance to find you again, an upside. Eventually I gave that up and stayed on as Captain because I now have no other choice. High Command doesn't even know. They think I'm Sebacean; I was a top ranking officer and all of that. If they did find out that I'm none of those things I would be dead. Not because I'm not Sebacean but because I also work as something else. The first cycle was hell. Then I became a double agent. I'm Captain Crichton on board this Carrier but off board I'm still Commander. I'm not an assassin if that's what you're thinking. I'm just someone who puts the holes in Peacekeeper plans. You once told me I couldn't come with you, the only other way was against you. I know right from wrong and this, this is neither."  
  
I don't look at her. I don't want to know what she is thinking.  
  
"The girl ." So she has noticed.  
  
"The girl works with me, she is also a double agent. I pulled a lot of strings to get her on board. She's a reminder of my self- control. She centers it."  
  
"Why are you telling me all this? I'm not an ally anymore, I can put you to death."  
  
"You can't do shit! I'm Captain on board. I haven't done anything to suspect otherwise. You are my prisoner, an outcast, who is going to believe you?  
  
In this universe we are all wild animals, each with a deadly sin. You believed you were the hunter and I was the prey. The game changed, I became the predator and you became *my* prey. Everyone is a sitting duck no matter what. We were hunting each other down without knowing it. And you know what? We've played this little game far too long because now we are both prey, we are the ones being the hunted and neither of us can do a single thing about it."  
  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
  
"You want the wormhole technology?" He reaches into his pocket and places a disk beside me. "There it is A to Z. The combination to that," he nods to the handcuffs, "is 1812. And this," he holds out an ID chip. "Will get you out of here, no questions asked."  
  
He turns and gets ready to leave.  
  
"Come with me." I hear myself say.  
  
He doesn't turn around but I see the drop of his broad shoulders.  
  
"It's not possible."  
  
"Why not? We are both being hunted like you say, stick together you once told me. We will make it work because that's the only way we can survive." I plead with all my heart. I'm not willing to leave him again, not like this.  
  
"No we can't. I'm not a killer anymore. I don't shoot anyone because they are no threat to me. I'm sick of saving the universe, I'm not made to do that." He turns around and kneels right by my face. "I don't kill anyone because no one despises me, I've managed to keep myself low profiled. The only threat I am is a threat to myself."  
  
I reach out and stroke his cheek, he flinches at my touch but I don't back away. I see the grey hairs now. The new wrinkles and a scar above his eyebrow.  
  
"You have aged human," I whisper.  
  
"We all do, I'm just faster," he replies.  
  
I kiss him on the lips, softly. I pull back and then kiss him more forcefully. He responds the same way. Maybe it was the memory, maybe because we have wished it so many times before because here we are enemy with enemy doing the unthinkable. Something that could get us both killed. We pull back breathless. Sweetness mingled with bitterness but it was him. He was still in there somewhere.  
  
I look at him right in those crystal blue eyes. "What did that taste like?"  
  
I see the memory rush back to him. He closes his eyes as if in pain. He gets up and opens his eyes again looking right into mine. His eyes are once again cold.  
  
"The past."  
  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
  
Sitting in front of the screens I see Aeryn walk past every checkpoint. She leaves because once again there is no other choice.  
  
"You gave her wormholes," a voice says from the door.  
  
I turn around and see Sikozu by the door watching the screens.  
  
"Yes I gave her wormholes. But the disk does not contain everything. Some things are best left up here." I tap my forehead. "They won't be able to figure it out," I assure her.  
  
She continues to look at the screens her eyes following Aeryn. "High Command has a meeting in 3 solar days. All Captains are requested to come."  
  
I nod. She turns to leave.  
  
"Sikozu," she stops and turns towards me.  
  
I stand up and walk to her. Tucking a strand of her hair behind her ears I kiss her passionately. She seems surprised at first but does not object.  
  
I pull back a bit. "Have I ever told you that you taste like the future?" She shakes her head. I smile. "You do."  
  
I look past her and see Aeryn past the last check point.  
  
Goodbye my sunshine. 


End file.
